


Haramaki

by PainedEggs



Category: One Piece
Genre: Crack, Cum stains, Cursed, Gen, HOT SMELLY CUM STAINS, oh god no, shit stains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:02:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24294037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PainedEggs/pseuds/PainedEggs
Summary: From shoguns to cum stains!
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	Haramaki

**Author's Note:**

> Oh no.

“Zoro!”

“What is it, Chopper?”

“Why do you wear that belly warmer?”

“Ah, you wanna know?”

Everybody stopped what they were doing to hear the totally normal story.

He took it off and started telling the story. “So, on the island where I was born, until about 50 years ago, it used to be a country similar to Wano. My great-great-great-grandfather was the shogun, but that isn’t very important.” Everybody’s interest piques at that statement. “Anyway, he had fought every battle there was since he was a teenager, and then he became shogun.”

The whole crew was awestruck, until-

“Oh, and another detail, he was extremely horny.”

That kinda put everybody, besides Chopper and Luffy, off. But they kept listening anyway.

“Look at this.” Zoro points to a dark spot on his haramaki. “This is a 130-year-old cum stain.”

Everybody gets put off even more, but they still keep listening.

Chopper points to 2 other stains and asks, “Are those cum stains too?”

“That one’s my great-grandfather’s cum, and that one’s my grandfather’s.”

Pain. But they can’t stop listening.

Chopper points at 2 more and asks, “What about these?”

“That one’s my dad’s, and that one is vaginal fluids.”

The crew is dying now. But they can’t stop!

“So, is this one yours?” Luffy, who has just come over from the other side of the ship, asks while pointing at the significantly larger spot.

Everyone stops even more than they were already stopped.

“No, that’s some random kid’s. When I was in school, there was a super horny guy who would fap before and after gym, and one day, he had used my haramaki as a cum rag. Needless to say, I beat his ass and he never left his cum rag again.”

Sanji, Nami, and Usopp are whispering among themselves.

“I can’t believe I’ve touched that,” Nami whispers in shock.

“I am… disgusted,” Usopp says.

“No amount of disinfecting will clean my hands. I’m sorry for feeding you, Nami!” Sanji is having an extreme mental  _ BREAKDOWN BREAKDOWN. _

“Ever since I’d gotten the thing, I had washed it daily. It never worked. After we got the Thousand Sunny, I just quit.”

“So is this one a cum stain too?” Luffy asks, while pointing at a stain barely visible on the inside of the haramaki.

He stops and takes off the haramaki. “Yes, that’s mine.”

Everybody, besides the 2 asking questions, are living through hell, but they can’t seem to stop listening.

“This one?” Chopper asks, pointing at a different spot.

“Oh, that one’s probably Sanji’s.”

Sanji becomes literal ice as everybody turns to look at him.

“H… how’d that even get…” Sanji shudders.

“So, Sanji was in the bathroom for a while and I had to take a shit really bad. When he got out, he was depressed, but I had to shiiiiiiiiiit, so I ran in the bathroom. I put my haramaki where I usually put it, not paying much attention because, you know, I had to shit, and I guess there was cum on the corner of the sink that Sanji forgot to clean up, because now there was a hot, smelly cum stain on my haramaki.”

“Hey, Zoro.”

“Mm?”

“Can I cum on your haramaki?” Luffy asks.

“What? No! Do you even know what cum is?”

“Isn’t it candy? Or pee, one of those.”

“No. Cum comes out of a penis, and it can make girls pregnant.”

“Woah!” Chopper exclaims, eyes sparkling with curiosity.

“Is pee cum?” Chopper asks.

“No, pee can’t make girls pregnant.”

“Ah, so if I cum on a girl, they get pregnant?” Luffy asks.

“No, you gotta cum inside a girl’s vagina.”

“Does Nami have a vegetina?”

“Probabl-”

“STOP! NO MORE! NO! OH GOD NO! K-K-NO! FUCK!!!” Sanji yells out, getting the attention of the whole crew.

“I COMPLETELY AGREE!” Nami yells.

“Okay, cum-man,” Zoro says.

They all are relieved that it’s over. OR IS IT?

**Author's Note:**

> penis music


End file.
